Art of The Marital Dialogue

By:  Mohamed Sayed Kamel

The tree of love between couple feeds with emotions, irrigated with connection and sweet words and grow with compassionate participation. Love, resolved many disagreements in cases of successful marriages, and when love disappears from the house where the couple live, disagreements become a permanent guest in this house. The couple relationship changes from lovers to a regular marital relationship linked to each other only by the bond of children.. and then their marital life begins to die.

The couple who miss the language of dialogue between them, in fact, are strangers who ignore about each other much more than they know.

Causes of marital estrangement:

- The view of psychologists that there is a difference between hatred and estrangement.. It is widely-spread that there is estrangement among the couples in one stage or another of their marriage.. but the hatred is so strong and sharp, and it comprises in many cases aggression which can cause either physical or psychological injury.

- Estrangement may happen sometimes among couples with long period of marriage.. an objective reason may be that each one doesn’t care to give a new meaning in the other’s life.. hence, the marital relationship is changed into a kind of monotony and boredom.. or it is generated as a reason of negligence of one partner to show amity for the other..  where this is an important requirement in marital life.

- Each husband or wife wants to hear from the other what makes him/her delighted, but the issue seems to be rare in the marital life.. where their life turns to a silent and frustrating one.. this explains why in some cases, marital infidelity occurs???

- Conversation and consultation are built between two partners, one listens and the other speaks and vice versa.. while it can’t be built where one partner is transmitting all of the time and the other is just a receiver.. they must know that repeating the initiatives opens dialogue between them.. and that attempting to change negative attitudes is a difficult issue.. but its results anyway are better than to leave the matter and surrender for cutout and silence.

Rules of marital connection:

- Don’t explain your husband’s silence that he refuse to share your anxiety or doesn’t desire to speak with you.. as the Creator [Highly Praised and Glorified] has distinct in the creation between man and woman, by giving her wide areas in her brain for language - transmission and reception - if compared with man, for that she excels over him in the possession of the vocabulary.. and expressing herself, emotions, experiences and explaining her problems.

- Encourage him for listening to your point of view and don’t be hurry in evaluating him.. the wife must not talk with her husband in matters not commensurate with his nature as buying her belongings and her finery.. because man by his nature does not understand the overwhelming sense of joy which the woman feel if someone shares this interests with her, while he looks to it in a superficial way. 

- Women must not discuss also the financial matters with their husbands constantly.. so that he won’t fed up with her.. as he understand it according to his especial constitute and they won’t reach anything.

- Let him control matters and get him used to take the responsibility while accepting meaningful and constructive criticism from your side.

- Train yourself to take into account your husband and his problems at work.

- Take care about your appearance and daily elegance and add smooth feminine touches inside your house because it is his safe shelter at all times.

- Take care about cleaning the house and children and take care to let the fragrance of your house aromatic because it gives a sense of comfort and relaxation in person’s soul, You can use flowers.

- Be serious in respecting your husband and your marital relationship. Consider all what happen between both of you as a secret no one shares you in it, let it be a safety oasis.

- The basic reason for husbands’ escape from the house and not spending good time in it is the loss of the element of safety, stability and calm.. where those are the reasons which husbands turn to home for them.. it is not a must that an interesting home means interesting time to spend in.. enjoyment’s concept  differs from one individual to another.

- There are a lot of husbands find their pleasure in simple things at home which are far from the wife’s believing.. as to sit silent for watching TV without interruption or drinking a cup of coffee in a favorite place away from noise.. while the wife is exhausting herself in doing things for the convenience and comfort of the husband but without benefit.

- You must know what makes your husband happy and you can do it, through trial and error theory.. and studying the reaction of your husband in each step.. try to avoid boring repetition of things.. be smart enough to understand his reactions from signals and gestures, without repeating the same boring questions.

- And you “husband” give your wife chance after chance if your aim is the continuation of your marital life, in full partnership with your wife.. and you must know that the family’s happiness depends with a large extent on your actions.. and that it all revolves around you, so be a source of happiness and joy to your family members.

 - “Wife” don’t let sitting at home being a source of restrictions for all the family members. Home must be the best place to the practice of personal freedoms.. particularly with  regard to the comfortable dress and the favorite place to sit in.. if you prevent  your husband from them, he will not feel comfortable and will look for another place to find his freedom and enjoyment.

- Do not even mind - my dear husband - to tell your wife frankly (I like that and this doesn’t comfort me).. dialogue and frank talk, are the fastest way to put things straight and shorten the time for everyone at home to find his happiness and comfort.

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