The Impact of Bad Intentions on Our Children

By: Sheikh, Ali al Dinary

Since sincere devotion to Allah is the essence of the way of raising children, bad intentions is the first element to spoil it up.

Here comes a question:

What are the bad intentions that may infect the heart while bringing up a child?

For example, when a parent cares to educate his kid to boast he has a righteous, polite or smart boy or girl. Another intention is to avoid any harm to the reputation of oneself by having a bad mannered son or daughter.

The impact of bad intentions on the education process:

One of the problems is the absence of love and acceptance between the parent and his/her child. This is a serious difficulty for if the kid feels he/she is not accepted by his/her caregiver, he/she will not obey him/her.

Love and acceptance are a must whatever great the mistakes of our kids are. It is true we may hate his/her bad manners still we love and accept him/her. And our love increases as he/she develops.

Disobeying the orders of the father or mother is a natural reaction from the kid who feels not accepted by his/her parents. When the parent keeps saying his endeavors to correct his son are all in vain and he is a hopeless case, etc., the kid will not improve.

In this case, we have lost all elements of education:

We lost the father for he is no more the respected teacher in his son's eyes.

We lost the kid for he is not responding to our trails.

We lost the communication between them.

Then the relation between the son and father turns to a series of bad action (from the parent) and worse reaction (from the kid).

What led to such a situation?

It is the intention of the father. His work is not devoted to Allah. He educates his child for fear people may blame him for a bad son. He claims he is angry because his son doesn't recognize his interests but in fact he is angry about his reputation or he is angry for this is not the boy he is dreaming of.

The result is:

Since such a parent aims only to protect his reputation:

He becomes angry for nothing.

He cares more for the outside: he gives great attention to the behavior of his kid in front of people; how he speaks and acts with outsiders. As for the hidden manners, they are not that important such as loving and watching Allah, wishing good for all people, seeking the reward of the hereafter, etc.

Disappointment:

It is the feeling of despair and grief when he sees his son not on the right path by keeping the company of bad boys or so. This is a natural feeling but it leads to more failure.

How?

If the parent is devoted to Allah, he/she will practice with his/her kid what he/she should do with a person to call him to Allah. He/she will try to come closer to the child, be patient with him/her and help him/her to reach their target.

Only sincere devotion to Allah gives us patience. On the other side, when I put in mind only my reputation, I will be nervous and will give orders and nothing else.

As long as dialogue is absent, the kid will feel unable to fulfill his parents' demands because they don't help or excuse him. Then the series we mentioned before will start.

The father may aim to make from his son a mirror image of himself.

What is the result?

The kid, as every human being, has his/her own abilities, tendencies and talents. The parent asks him/her to do things beyond his/her capabilities. The poor child tries his/her best to satisfy his/her father/mother but no way. Every time he/she tries, he/she fails. Consequently, the kid feels disappointed especially when he/she sees the parent unsatisfied.

In this case the parents are working under pressure which will not lead to success.

These were some of the results of the intentions that are not devoted to Allah.

Translated by: Fatima Suleiman

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