Marriage: Evaluating Your Experience

By Hasnaa Hassan.. Whether you have been married for a long period of time or only recently tied the knot, you will find yourself sometimes wondering about how your marriage is going. Is it going  as a successful one? Have you ever thought of giving it up? If you see your marriage as a success, what have you done to make it work? And if you see it as a failure, then what role did you play in that? Because if you were part of the problem, then you should be part of the solution.

Evaluating one's marital experience requires us to go back and remember what perceptions of marriage we originally had, what it meant for us at the very beginning, and whether things went on the right track. It also requires self-evaluation, to see what we have done to make our marriage work and what our share was in making it a success. It requires us to consider all the bad circumstances, hardships, and obstacles we faced through our matrimonial life and to remember how we managed to overcome them.

Before judging our marriage to be a failure or a success, we have to be aware that nothing in life is complete and that absolute happiness does not exist on earth. We have to re-consider our sometimes naive or dreamy view that marriage should be a rosy world full of nothing but love, comfort, and happiness without any problems or troubles. Get rid of this wrong perception, because it will simply ruin your marriage.

You will be shocked with the first hardship or problem, and all your dreams of a happy life and successful marriage will vanish, if you did not realize from the start that the outcome of a marriage falls mostly on us. It is you who makes a successful marriage, so do not expect it to succeed before working for this success.

Is It Still Possible?

However, this does not mean that a successful marriage is a far-fetched goal. It just needs efforts by both partners to overcome obstacles and difficulties that life continues to throw their way. It needs sacrifice, true love, kindness, understanding, forgiveness, and strength. Be strong enough to challenge difficulties, to forgive, and to sacrifice. Be patient enough to pursue your happiness.

People in the past knew these things very well and exerted their efforts to make their lives as happy and stable as they could. They always felt in need of each other, and they rarely thought of breaking up. This might be the reason why when we look at divorce rates nowadays and compare them to the past, we find a huge difference and much higher rates for today's couples.

There is no doubt that we are today living a hard life, pressured with too many things that sometimes make us forget about ourselves as human beings who need love and compassion, and as spouses who are supposed to care for each other ;this will absolutely have a devastating impact on our marriage which is our most important lifelong project!

Having a long day at work, being pressured by financial issues, and being busy with too many things in mind makes us forget to care about our life partner, forget the kind touch, the sweet word and the smile on the face, which can ease any tension or remove tiredness. And day after day, life becomes tough, and no one is ready to forgive, no one is trying to understand, and no one is capable of sacrifice. Then, we start to blame each other, and the matter turns worse when we stop to review what was happening and make a quick U-turn.

Taking the Initiative

Before blaming the spouse for not being caring and loving as before, let's think of a way to bring back love and happiness to our lives. Let's look into ourselves and find about our own faults before speaking about our partner's faults. Let's believe that no one is perfect. Let's forgive to be forgiven. Let's understand to be understood. Let's feel the great grace that Allah has given us by fulfilling our need for a spouse and a life partner to care about us, love us and makes a home with us.

If you have a home to live in with your spouse to feel warmth and protection in, remember that there are thousands of people who are longing for such graces in life. Let this motivate you to be strong and patient in your pursuit of happiness.

Of course, this does not mean that one of the spouses will take the whole responsibility of reform upon his shoulders and do all efforts on his own. Marriage is an experience that is always about sharing: sharing our thoughts, our efforts, and our feelings. Sharing happy moments as well as sad moments. And only when we share everything in life together, when we overcome hardships together, and pursue our happiness together, that we will end up with a successful marriage.

Hasnaa Hassan is a member of the family editorial team.she holds a bachelor in English literaturefrom Cairo university.

Source: onislam.net

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